my life.

my life is such that complete bullshit immediately follows my recognition of happiness.

recruiter never called me. s made me furious. can’t shake the ex-girlfriend worries.

looking forward to tomorrow. looking forward to going 1 day without stalking her on facebook. looking forward to feeling happy again and this time not acknowledging it so that happiness may continue on for longer than 1 day.

me, the risk taker.

today i marched into a partner’s office and demanded more money. i’m reckless. i’m acting like i have nothing to lose. i think i do though.

i am in love. it’s awful. i put up with things i don’t want to. i give in, i compromise, i apologize, i cry uncontrollably, i embarrass myself. all this, riding on the hope that he just may be the one. no, all this, riding on the hope that he may think i’m the one. no, the former. both at the same time.

coward.

i’m sorry i haven’t written back.

i’m sorry i messed up and you’re the one who apologizes to me.

i’m sorry i’m dragging you through my mess.

i’m sorry i’m not better.

i’m sorry for ever tricking you into thinking i’m better than i am.

i’m sorry i love you more than anything.